Support Groups For Non-Transitioning Gender Confused Children Needed

For years I remember schools trying to teach kids how to handle peer pressure. 

It can be hard to be a kid who wants to feel a part of a group to say no. 

And this, I think, is at the heart of the sudden jump in children both young and old who are gender confused. 

For a kid who doesn’t fit in, there are support groups, clubs, and advocates, all the kid has to do is say they are gender fluid, gender non-conforming, gender non-binary, trans gender, or gender confused.  That kid who didn’t fit in now has friends, allies, and acceptance. 

The less the kid conforms to social norms and is victimized by others, the more support they get.

And this might be okay…it is important for kids to find belonging somewhere. 

The problem is that many of these groups have older members, adult members, who push kids not conform. 

Adults who encourage children to take puberty blockers, gender confusing hormones, and even get gender confusing surgery. 

As kids hit milestones in their gender transitions, others in the group celebrate and encourage them towards the next step. 

First a kid decides to change her name, then her gender pronouns, then officially transition both at home and at school…next she starts puberty blockers, then gender “affirming” hormones, and finally invasive surgery. 

All along the way, members of the community are cheering her on. 

The community might even hold fund raisers for her so she can afford what can only be described as narcissistic medical interventions.

These kids are encouraged to focus so much on themselves, and their right to express themselves, that they become increasingly fixated on how they look. 

Though teens and young adults generally are concerned about their appearance, it is hard to conceive of any other situation in which a child would be supported to medically alter their body just to force their body to look different.

When I see threads from teens and young adults announcing that they either are about to, or just completed transition surgery, it is a love fest.   

“Congratulations!”

“You are so brave, and you are loved.” 

“You look amazing!”  and on and on. 

After transitioning, or starting puberty blockers, or hormone treatments, or surgery, these young people are also enticed by their community to document their victimhood. 

Instances where someone dead named them (someone used the name they were given at birth), mis-gendered  them (someone mistaking them for a gender other than the one they identify as), or failed to use their preferred pronouns are considered assault.  They are comforted by their group, told how brave they are, and encouraged to feel like they have been traumatized. 

They are also encouraged to be enraged at the way they are treated.

When I write this, it sounds absurd.

We actually have adults grooming kids to become hyper-focused on how their body looks. Adults grooming kids to question their gender.  Adults grooming kids to use unapproved medical interventions.  Adults grooming kids to believe that their bodies are not okay.  Adults grooming kids to be victims. 

Though there might be some benefit to support groups, the current support groups for gender confused kids are dangerous. 

They exclude and vilify anyone who does not accept their rhetoric. 

They provide a support system for kids and young adults who follow their approved path, but reject anyone who deviate.

They have convinced society that gender confused children must follow their approved path, and not following the path will result in a child or young adult who is emotionally troubled and likely to kill themselves.

And they deny that there even is another path. 

A path that doesn’t involve risky drugs and surgery. 

Though there might be a slightly lower risk of suicide for those who medically transition (the data are not available because it has only been recently that children started taking puberty blockers, and gender confusing hormones and elective cosmetic surgery).

I argue if there is a lower risk, is not due to the transition, it is due to the affirmation that those who transition get from their support groups.

In the name of equality and sanity, we need to provide support to children who are gender confused, but don’t transition.  Provide them with community support and affirmation.  Let them know that they can grow up to live happy, healthy lives without transitioning.

Many kids who experience gender confusion have significant mental health issues.  Some were sexually assaulted, some are abused, some have other underlying mental illness. Some have been taught to be narcissistic.   These kids don’t need to be “transitioned,” they need mental health services.  They need acceptance.  They also need a reality check.  They need guidelines and rules.  

They need to be taught that their life will not be improved by transitioning, in fact, it will get worse.  The drugs they take are expensive and have known side effects, such as sterility.  Instead of learning how to successfully navigate in the social world, they are taught that they don't have to conform to social norms, and anyone who doesn't support them is a "hater."  

Even those who whole-heartedly support medical transitioning for children acknowledge that suicidality is high among trans populations because of the difficulty they have fitting-in.